Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
