Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
