I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
