who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
