i just sent this text using only my big toe
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
