My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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