If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Let's get the cat blown out
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
