shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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