we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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