Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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