In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
