it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
