Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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