I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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