You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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