Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
