and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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