I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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