I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.