And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
