porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?