He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
