And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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