No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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