and you said cock pushups were impossible
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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