is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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