I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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