so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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