Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
