afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
