Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
