dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
