i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
