I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
