How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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