Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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