oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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