Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Randomize
