I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
