I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
