I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
