As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Sorry my hands just texted you
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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