wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
