i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
