This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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