There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
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He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
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she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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