I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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