I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
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but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
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She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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