I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Randomize
