If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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