As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
