So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
