3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
