She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
