no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
