Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
