dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
