He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
