she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
