i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Kiss
Puke
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
