ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
