i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize