Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
