How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The feeling are messing with the penis
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
