Don't make out with my wife yet
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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