I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
