$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
