"it" just moved
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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