Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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