Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
