But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
