I cannot find my penis.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
