im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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