Umm I'm too high to move.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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