I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
