I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
